Free Bricks

JOSH sits on his couch, watching TV. His roommate, KEVIN, enters.

KEVIN
Let's go.

JOSH
Where are we going?

KEVIN
Put on some comfortable clothes. Sneakers, gloves--

JOSH
Why? What are you talking about?

KEVIN
I've got a lead on some free bricks.

In their car. KEVIN is driving. He is very excited.

JOSH
Slow down, would you?

KEVIN
Forget it. This offer won't last forever.

JOSH
What are we going to do with a load of bricks?

KEVIN
What are we going to do with them?

JOSH
Yeah.

KEVIN
They match the bricks of our patio. It's a one in a million opportunity to pick up some matching free bricks.

JOSH
Don't we need to ask the landlord before we go laying bricks all over the yard?

The car is on a dirt road. KEVIN pulls over and consults a map.

JOSH
We're lost.

KEVIN
Barely.

JOSH
I thought you knew where this place was. You're going to get us lost in the middle of the country trying to chase down some free bricks which we don't even need.

KEVIN
Do you know how much these bricks cost on the open market?

JOSH
No, I haven't been pricing bricks lately, because I don't need--

KEVIN
A dollar a brick. This is big savings. Oh, here's the problem. This road isn't real anymore.

The car is back on the highway, driving.

JOSH
Look, just drop me off, I'll walk home or take a taxi or something. This is a waste of my day, hauling bricks we don't need.

KEVIN
We don't need bricks now, I'll grant you that. But what if the day comes when we do need bricks? You're going to go to the quarry and buy a bundle of bricks, at a buck a pop? No, because we'll have a pile right in the backyard.

JOSH
I've been thinking about it for a while, and I cannot think of a single reason I might ever need bricks. Now or in the future.

KEVIN
When you need a quick free brick, you'll thank me.

The car pulls up to a house with a brick walkway leading up to the front door. About half the walkway has already been pried loose and taken away. Some rejects scatter the front lawn.

KEVIN
Good thing we got here. There are barely any bricks left.

JOSH
Yeah. Good thing.

KEVIN
All right. Let's start hauling.

KEVIN starts pulling bricks out of the ground and tossing them into the back seat of his car. JOSH looks around, realizes he doesn't really have much of a choice, and starts hauling bricks.

On the way home. It is dark outside. JOSH looks upset. KEVIN's eyes are bright, all the brick possibilities running through his head. The entire back of the car is filled with bricks.

KEVIN
We could build a brick doghouse.

JOSH
We'd need a dog.

KEVIN
(shrugs)
We wouldn't need a dog.

Sirens and police lights. KEVIN pulls over. An OFFICER walks up to the driver's window.

OFFICER
Know the speed limit on this road?

KEVIN
40, sir.

OFFICER
Know how fast you were going?

KEVIN
39?

OFFICER
41.

OFFICER begins writing a ticket. He looks into the backseat and sees the piles of bricks.

OFFICER
You've got a lot of bricks there, don'tcha.

KEVIN
What these? Oh, yes sir.

OFFICER
What were you planning on doing with all those bricks?

KEVIN
I don't know, sir.

OFFICER
Mmm hmm. How much did you pay for those bricks?

KEVIN
I didn't pay for them, sir. They were a gift.

OFFICER
A gift? Now what kind of person would just give away a nice set of bricks like that?

KEVIN
A friend of my father's, sir.

OFFICER
I see. Do you know how much those bricks would cost you on the open market?

KEVIN
A dollar a brick, sir.

OFFICER
Mmm hmm. Boy, you sure do seem to know a lot about bricks, don't you son?

KEVIN
Well, I--

OFFICER
(to JOSH)
You, there. Does it occur to you that your friend sure seems to know a lot about bricks?

JOSH
It's just that he's very enthusiastic about bricks, sir.

OFFICER
You know, it's a shame I have to write you this speeding ticket. But otherwise, I wouldn't have enough money to buy materials for this little ol' doghouse I'm building.

KEVIN
Would you like some bricks?

OFFICER
Now, you wouldn't be trying to bribe me, would you, son?

KEVIN
Oh, no sir! It's just--a gift!

OFFICER
(considering the offer)
Well, I wouldn't need all these bricks.

KEVIN
Take half! I insist.

KEVIN and JOSH, driving again. Their pile of bricks is now much smaller.

KEVIN
Good thing we had those bricks.

JOSH
But if we never went for bricks, you never would have gotten that ticket in the first place.

KEVIN
I'd better check on those bricks.

KEVIN turns around to check on the bricks.

JOSH
Look out!

KEVIN brakes hard. He almost runs over a dog.

KEVIN and JOSH catch their breath. The dog doesn't move.

KEVIN smiles.