Me or another telephone

MAN sits at his desk. He is sunburned from having visited Cape Cod the weekend before.

PHONE
Ring ring! Ring ring!

MAN
What the fuck?

PHONE
Hey! Sunburn! You listening?

MAN
Who's there?

PHONE
This is your telephone! Why haven't you switched to Time Warner Digital Telephone yet?

MAN
I don't control the telephones, I just work here.

PHONE
RING RING.

MAN
Stop!

PHONE
Switch to Time Warner Digital Telephone and I will stop!

MAN
Aah! Aah! Help, my phone is talking!

PHONE
You're the only one here, shithead.

MAN
God, I'm going crazy. I need a drink of water.

PHONE
You need to shut the fuck up and switch to Time Warner Digital Telephone already

MAN
Help!

PHONE
Snap out of it!

MAN
I can't switch to Time Warner Digital Telephone. You need to talk to the office manager.

PHONE
Listen to me, fuckface. I know things. OK?

MAN
Like what?

PHONE
I know your wife is home alone right now, in her nightgown. Dozing on the couch.

MAN
You're bluffing.

PHONE
It would be so easy for me or another telephone to get up there, bash her in the head, take that nightgown off--

MAN
Stop it, stop it! What do you want?

PHONE
I told you what I want, you fucking miserable--

MAN
You can't be talking. You can't be talking!

PHONE
Can you not hear me? Should I speak louder? SWITCH TO TIME WARNER DIGITAL TELEPHONE OR ELSE YOUR WIFE GETS IT.

MAN screams. He panics and picks up the phone. The screaming of 1000 demons comes through the earpiece. He screams again and slams the receiver down.

PHONE
SWITCH TO TIME WARNER DIGITAL TELEPHONE. I FUCKING OWN YOU.

MAN jumps out the window and lands on his boss's car.