Pretty shameless

So here's a quick (and possibly partly inaccurate) summary of this article: the MTA Board--the group that runs NYC's mass transit--is not supposed to be compensated for their services. They do receive free passes, so they can ride subways, commuter rails, go through tolls, etc. without paying. It has been suggested by Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo that this is a form of compensation, and should be taken away.

The MTA Board--if the NY Times characterization is to be believed--is a bunch of rich old white dudes who all agree with each other and never get mad because they run shit, basically. But taking away their free passes has made them ripping pissed, all of a sudden, at the idea that they might be made to pay like everyone else.

(The other thing is, you don't have to turn over these free passes when you're off the board or anything, like you're turning in your key at work, or something. You're in for life. It's like the Freemasons or something.)

The real fun comes in these rich white dudes trying to rationalize why exactly they deserve these free travel passes. Go, David S. Mack (a vice chairman of the authority), go!

Mr. Mack said that it was important for board members to be familiar with the transportation system they oversaw and that free travel passes encouraged that. In their trips through the system, board members frequently notice problems that can be corrected swiftly with a phone call, he said.

These guys are like superheroes, basically. Or maybe they're more like angels--mysterious servants of God (or the NY transit authorities)--patrolling the subways, the tunnels, correcting Injustices where they are seen. They walk among us, and we are not even aware of their presence! That man who elbows in front of you to cram himself on the express train during rush hour, leaving you waiting at the station for the next one--that's no asshole! He's making sure the car does not struggle to bear its Optimal Max Capacity! That other man who lunges over you to claim a seat, knocking over one of your three bags of groceries in the process--that's no inconsiderate buffoon! He's testing the cleanliness of the seat, and in stretching out his feet to block your access to the bar in front of him (causing you to jostle and stumble for the remainder of the ride), he is actually ensuring that all future passengers will experience Total Comfort!

MTA OFFICE: Yeah.
DAVID S. MACK: Hello. This is David S. Mack, a vice chairman of the authority!
MTA OFFICE: Oh, yes, Mr. Mack! What can I do for you!
DAVID S. MACK: I'm at the 42nd St. Station, waiting for an uptown 2/3 express train. There is a cocktail shrimp on the floor.
MTA OFFICE: Oh, thank you for your call! We'll correct that right away.
DAVID S. MACK: No problem, just doing my job.
[DAVID S. MACK flies straight up, crashing through the ceiling of the station. As he ascends into the cool New York City night, he calls the MTA Office to report some plaster and brick scattered around the 42nd St. Station]

“We’re invaluable,” Mr. Mack said[.]

!

“If you saw something and called it in, it goes right there,” he added, as he put his foot on top of a wastebasket. “When the normal public calls it in, you know what happens with the bureaucracy, they don’t get the response that a board member would get.”

Yup. He's actually admitting that the organization he serves is an intractable bureaucracy that does not pay attention to the people it is ostensibly meant to serve. And he's doing it in support of his argument. Which, again, is that the people in positions of power should have more perks.

But Mr. Mack, a Long Island resident who says he typically rides the railroad 5 to 10 times a

week?

year

Oh, great, thanks. Great to know we have trained professional eyes like your riding the trains once every month or two.

, said that if he had to pay, he might change his habits.

“Why should I ride and inconvenience myself when I can ride in a car?” he said.

Well if it's your fucking job like you seem to want us to think it is, maybe you should because it's your fucking job.

Mr. Mack also questioned Mr. Cuomo’s motives on the issue.

“What he’s trying to do was strictly a soap box, where it looks good to the common people,” Mr. Mack said.

First of all a soap box is not, in fact, a thing that can be done. It is an object. I can be constructed, or shipped, or climbed to make a point. But saying that someone did a soap box, or pulled a soap box, or really soap boxed it up, is not something that makes a lot of sense.

But "common people" ... man. He just knocked it out of the park there. Well done, David S. Mack. Well done.