New Year's Resolution update, 3/8

OVERVIEW: This year, I resolved to attain and exert godlike powers over the world of matter.

PROGRESS REPORT: Progress has been slower than I had hoped, but about what I had anticipated. You're never going to just wake up in the morning and have godlike powers without putting any work in. It's a long process, and I am getting there. Keep optimistic!

I have thus far only been able to manipulate small objects using the power of my thoughts. I have moved a pencil about 18 inches across a flat surface; however, I am still unable to send one up any sort of incline. KEEP AT IT! I can't move silverware across any surfaces, but I can make it shake. This is a good sign; from what I have read, silverware manipulation of any kind using only one's thoughts normally takes at least six months to master. In this respect, at least, I am ahead of schedule.

I am perfecting my tricks with paper. I now only have to concentrate and I can crumple a blank sheet of paper, send it flying off the table to the ground, and even fold it in half. THIS IS OUTSTANDING! Perhaps the best sign of my progress to date. Unfortunately, I can only fold the paper twice, and even then, I am so mentally exhausted after the feat that I am unable to utilize my godlike powers for the rest of the day. I need to build up my stamina! Also, for whatever reason, I can only mentally manipulate BLANK sheets of paper. My best guess is that paper with printing of some kind on it somehow dams up my mental streams (?). CLEAR THE MIND AND ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

In other ways, however, I am behind. Although I can make things slide around a table or shake, I still have not harnessed the powers of levitation. I had hoped to at least be able to levitate coins by now, but alas, I am receiving no response. For all the progress I've made, my godlike powers are still limited in several important ways. STAY HUMBLE! But still, I am overall satisfied with my progress to date.

GOALS FOR THE NEXT SIX WEEKS: Harness my godlike powers to make nails fly through the air, so I can throw nails at people with my mind.