Goofus and Gallant

Goofus eats with his hands like a fucking animal and embarrasses himself.
Gallant eats with a fork and knife.

Goofus spits on his teacher and calls her a slut.
Gallant gets good grades in school.

Goofus stuffs his neighbor's cat into a suitcase and throws it into the creek.
Gallant looks both ways before he crosses the street.

Goofus slams his own hand in the door on purpose.
Gallant says "please" and "thank you."

Goofus hides his anti-psychotic medication in his pocket and masturbates whenever he's left alone.
Gallant has a nervous breakdown because he tries so fucking hard to be perfect and follow the "rules" it's like he woke up one day and realized he hasn't even fucking lived a life.

Goofus gets drunk and drives his car into a tree.
Gallant notices people seem uncomfortable around him after his unsuccessful suicide attempt.