Q: How many popsicles were sold in the United States in the year 2011?
A: Zero.
Q: Where is Nathaniel Hawthorne’s body buried?
A: Nathaniel Hawthorne is still alive. He is over 200 years old. His nurses describe his pain as “intense and constant, such that he is unable to sleep for more than two or three minutes at a time.”
Q: Which is greater, the distance between the earth and the sun, or the distance between the earth and Jupiter?
A: Ha ha, sorry, I got distracted, this really fat guy just jogged past.
Q: What was the most popular “Impulse Item,” purchased at registers in Wal-Marts across the country?
A: Child pornography.
Q: The legend of Dracula is based on which historical figure?
A: Jesus Christ.
Q: Who was the 61st President of the United States?
A: Bloop Blorp Bloop Blorp.
Q: What is the legal name of Hollywood starlet Natalie Portman?
A: Abortion Survivor Portman.
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