Country Countdown

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #10



INT. STUDIO

A camera swoops around a sincere male country CROONER with a
cowboy hat and an acoustic guitar.

GRAPHICS: Dale Murtry / "Little Jennifer" / Saddle Brothers

DALE MURTRY
Jennifer the thought of you /
Chases off my gloom / Cuz I feel
your sweet heart beating / In your
mother's blood-rich womb.

CROONER tips his hat to the camera.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #9



EXT. ROAD

A young, sexy country diva belts out a country power ballad
standing on the bed of a pickup trick on a country road next
to a field. She is very slim -- she does not look pregnant.

GRAPHICS: Madison Glenn / "Baby In My Belly" / Born In The
Saddle

MADISON GLENN
Well God gave you life / And I'll
give you love / I can feel your
heart beating / My beloved fetus!

DIVA winks sexily at the camera.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #8



EXT. ROAD

At the same stretch of road, in the bed of the same pickup
truck, another similar-looking diva belts out her ballad.

GRAPHICS: Ashley Cummings / "Gift From God" / Back In The
Saddle

ASHLEY CUMMINGS
God gave you to me / May your heart
never roam / Cuz your heart is my
own / My uterus: your home!

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #7



INT. STUDIO THAT LOOKS VAGUELY LIKE A BEDROOM

A sincere, extremely handsome young man sits at a desk with a
pen and a sheet of paper. Goofy effects of a lightning storm
outside a window as he sits in the dark.

GRAPHICS: Brad Burns / "To My Unborn Fetus" / Saddle Burns

BRAD BURNS
My sweetest unborn fetus / I can't
wait 'til you're born / I hope you
don't think I'm capricious / Or
treat me with scorn!

BRAD BURNS rips off his billowing shirt, exposing his chest
to the moonlight.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #6



INT. HONKY TONK BAR



INT. EMPTY CHURCH

GRAPHICS: Colby Cowman / "Took My Fetus" / Half Off The
Saddle

COLBY COWMAN sits on the alter in a tux with the tie
loosened, shirt untucked, etc, looking sad.

COLBY COWMAN
Baby left me for another man / In
the middle of the night / If I had
one thing to ask him / It's to
treat that fetus right.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #5



INT. DANCEFLOOR

A sassy, middle-aged woman plays a rockin' country tune with
an acoustic guitar. A couple hunky male dancers in doctor
outfits dance around with giant syringes.

GRAPHICS: Sally Drithers / "(Keep Your Needles And Vacuums
Away From) My Fetus" / Saddle Sores

SALLY DRITHERS
You scheming Jew doctors / Keep
your needles away / My fetus gon'
be healthy / And be born some day!

The sassy lady winks at the camera.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #4



INT. BARN

A really fat woman with waaay too much lipstick and a cowboy
hat sits on a bale of hay and sings a treacly ballad.

GRAPHICS: Jessica Burwell / "Fetus: A Tribute" / Double-Wide
Saddle

JESSICA BURWELL
Well they say you can't think / But
I say that's bunk / Cuz you're a
person in waiting / Even if Pa's a
drunk / My little incest fetus!
(spoken)
I love you.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #3



INT. BATHROOM

A pretty young blonde woman looks into the toilet and holds
her head in dismay. There is no music here and she speaks
rather than sings. She wears a stained wedding dress.

GRAPHICS: Gretchen Patnode / "Your Special Day" / Been On The
Saddle Too Long

GRETCHEN PATNODE
No -- no! My baby! I had a
miscarriage! MY BABY!

She bursts into tortured tears.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #2



EXT. HOEDOWN

An attractive cornfed-looking blonde in a wedding dress
dances around for an upbeat howdown song.

GRAPHICS: Amber Hart / "Too Young For Me (Lil' Fetus)" /
Gimme That Saddle Back

AMBER HART
I can't say I'm not flattered / How
couldn't I be? / But you're just a
little fetus / And you're too young
for me!

AMBER HART is handed a little fetus in a jar. The jar is
festooned with a cowboy hat.

AMBER HART (CONT'D)
(spoken)
You're just a fetus -- I haven't
even given birth to you yet!

AMBER HART sends the fetus away with a sassy flourish of her
wedding dress.

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!

GRAPHICS: #1



INT. BEDROOM

A MAN sits on a bed with stained, ripped sheets. He faces
away from the camera and appears to be masturbating. Again,
there is no music -- we just hear him breathing loudly.

GRAPHICS: Steven Cartwright / "Half An Ocean Away" / Saddles
Ahoy

GRAPHICS: Country Countdown!