This week: The Official Web Site of Scottywood. Be sure to turn the volume all the way up so you can hear Scottywood's rock 'n roll MIDI theme music. Nothing says "X-Treme" like the tinny clicks of a MIDI guitar.
First up, there are Scottywood's stats. It seems his real name is Scott Woodson. Sorry to burst the bubbles of those of you who thought Scottywood was being creative with his name by stealing Hulk Hogan's nickname and replacing "Holl" with "Scott." Turns out he's even less original than you thought he was. Scottywood is just as creative in naming his special moves, calling them the Scottydriver, Scottybomb, and Scottyslam.
Scottywood's catch phrases, as you might imagine, are the very definition of tough. His main catch phrase is "Get ready to be Perfectly Destoryed by The Perfect One." Apparently, Scottywood's tactic is to erase any records of his opponents life (birth certificates, news articles, pictures, social security numbers, online wrestling belt records), thereby "destorying" him. Looks like this tactic has been ripped off by The Forgotten. I'm sure Scottywood's lawyers are working on that case right now. His other catch phrase, "Reality is only one match away," seems to me to be quite ironic, considering it's used by a fake wrestler in an virtual Internet wrestling league. But hey, maybe I just don't know what irony is.
His stats are all well and good, but the meat of the official page is in Scottywood's "Bioagraphy." Here, we get unprecedented insights into the life that led Scottywood into the world of virtual amateur professional wrestling.
Scottywood was born January 24th 1977 in the heart of New York City. His mother, father and older brother and himself lived in a 2 bedroom apartment on the 4th floor which was right next to Time Sqaure. [This is not to be confused with Times Square, of course. You can tell them apart because Time Square is the one with all the log cabins in it.] When Scott was young he played youth hockey for a near by team. Scott started out playing very well, he was one of the top scorers on his team. When Scott was in his second year of squirts he began to start playing rough. [That'll happen when you join a team as hardcore and X-Treme as the squirts.] That year he lead his in goal and pentaly minutes with 84 (alot for squirts). [Maybe it's just me, but if I'm writing a story about how tough I am, I'd try to avoid using the word "squirts" as much as possible.] He had also been thrown out twice for fighting. When Scott became a Peewee he compiled even more pentaly minutes with 125 and still lead his ream in goals with 33. [And let me tell you something. You think you can get it done in the squirt league? You've got to bring it to a whole 'nother level in the Peewee league.] In his 2nd year as a peewee Scott was as rough as ever and got 155 minutes and 35 goals. Most of his pentalys were for fighting and checking from behind and hardly ever had any wussy pentalies like hooking or tripping. [They don't play around in Peewees.] But that season something happened that changed his life forever. During his last game of the season Scott was checked from behind and there was no call. So Scotty chased the kid down and took a big two handed slash to the back of the kid. The kid fell to the ground and Scott dropped his gloves and wailing punches at him. The kids helmet came off and Scott started to punch him in the face. Finaly the refs pulled him off him and threw him off the ice. The ambulance arrived 3 minutes later and carried the kid off the ice on a strecther. His face was bleeding all over and he was crying like a baby. [All this from a kid who still can't lift a chair.] Too most people this would be disgusting and to do that to someone would make them feel horriable, but Scott didn't feel like that. Scott started to laugh at the kid when he was being taken out of the rink, Scott felt good about what he had done. After the kid was taken out the refs gave Scott a minor, major and game misconduct for instigating and fighting, major and a game misconduct for slashing, another game misconduct for telling the ref to f*** off and a match pentaly for injuring the player. [Those Peewees have mouth like little sailors!] The Match pentaly meant that Scott would be out for at least 30 days and would have to go to a hearing about the situation. At this meeting the officails decided to ban Scott from USA hockey for life cause his action left that kid in the hospital for 2 weeks.
After that Scott was very depressed and decided to watch TV, that night Scott fliped the channel and say WWF RAW is WAR. That night Scotty fell in love with wrestling. [Specifically, WWF wrestler The Rock, of whom Scottywood has a shirtless picture of on his wall. That's right. I went for the gay joke. What are you gonna do?] The next day Scott went online and did some reasearch and new that he wanted to become a professional wrestler. That day Scott asked his parents if he could go to a wrestling school in New York so he could learn how to be a professional wrestler. But unfourntaly his parents said no cause they didn't have the money for it but said that he could go if he came up with the money to pay for it. [Meanwhile, in the real world, Scottywood was so going to try out for Tough Enough, but his parents said they'd kick him out of the house.] So for the next 5 months Scott worked many jobs and saved every penny he earned. [How old are Peewee hockey players? What was he doing, assembling Nikes in Guatemala?] Finally the day came where he had enough money to go go to wrestling school. The first day he went to wrestling school was a day he would remember for the rest of his life. Scott was the youngest person there at the age of 16. His coach was David Backman, he had been teaching kids how to wrestle for 15 years. On his first day David realised that Scott had a lot of talent. Scott was taking down people 2 times his size, it was like he had been doing this for years. [Of course, wrestling is fake, so it was really the big guys who were taking themselves down. In actuality, Scottywood was unable to lift a chair, which oddly enough, was also twice his size.]
After 7 months of training Scott was ready for his first match. He was now 17 and had his first match 15 minutes away from Madison Sqaure Garden. Scott was all ready for his match and had 5 minutes before he had to go out there. He had his riped up jeans on and cut off tee-shirt on and was strecthing. [Hot. Yeah that's right. Two gay jokes in one post. So? I did the Ryan Butt joke thing, I don't know what you expect.] David walked up to him and ask him what name he was gonna use. Scott though for a minute and decied to to borrow part of his ideal Hollywood Hulk Hogan's name and combine it with his name Scott and he came up with Scottywood. [After the match, Scottywood's wallet was "borrowed" by someone who had been waiting for him outside the arena.] In his first ever match he faced a man called the Red Ranger. This man wore a ugly red body suit and red mask. Scott started the match off good but The Red Ranger took control. But about a minute into the match Scott came back with a DDT and took control. Scott got him up and for the first time ever Scottybombed his opponet and got the pinfall. [This could so be a movie. "From the makers of 'Hoosiers' and 'Rudy,' it's 'Scottybomb!!!'"]
For the next 2 years Scott competed in many more matches winning the feds Hardcore Title 5 times. Also during that time Scott added more finishers to his collection, The Scottydriver, ScottyDDT [That one doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it?] and Scottyslam. Then the PWF (Psycotic Wrestling Federation) cloesed cause they had no money and bad bookers who misused talent like Scott. Then Scott went to the HWO for a short stini where he won the Hardcore Title 2 times and the European title 1 time. That fed too shut down. Then Scott went to the IWF and by now was 21 and a verteran. He quickly rose in the IWF but didn't seem to hve enough to rasie out of the Hardcore divison. It was here in the IWF that Scott meet a wrestler named Ice. He was a very talent wrestler who helped Scott out a lot so he could get out of the Hardcore divison. After a while there the fed shut down cause the owner didn't want to run it anymore. [aka "The owner got a life."]
Ice and Scott then came up with a idea to make their own fed. After 6 months of work and planing they had the start of a whole new era of wrestling. Also during those 6 months Scott went back to David Backman where Scott learned how to wrestle better and learned more techincal moves. On Januray 26th 2000 Scott and Ice opened the XWF (Xtreme Wrestling Federation). Within one month the XWF was booming and going great with big names like Revolution X, Triple H, The Hardy Boyz, The Denouncer, X-Rated and others. After X won the World Title he decided compition was too easy and left the XWF vacanting the World Title. This set up Scottywood vs. The Rock for the World Title. This was a hard fought match and at the end Scottywood came out victorious to win his first ever World Title. Scott's dream had finaly come true. [He was lying on top of The Rock. OH, YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D GO FOR GAY JOKE NUMBER THREE, DID YOU?] Scott almost cried [4] as the ref handed him the belt and he rose it into the air to the cheer of the fans. [For those of you keeping score at home, the letter x was used seven times in that paragraph. I don't think I've even used words with the letter x in them seven times in my life.]
The XWF then continued to do extremly well. Scottywood had many exciting matches like at Wrestlemania where RX's best friend Prime Time screwed over RX to join Scott and the Extremists. Scott also had a great match at Out Cold in Feburay where he drove a Zamboni off a loading dock and onto the car which Prime Time was in. [So wait, Scottywood was on Prime Time's team when he drove the Zamboni on top of him? Jeez.] for about 8 months the XWF did well and Scott won and lost many titles and matches. It was something in Octomber that almost destoryed the XWF. Angelfire closed down the XWF site. [Scottywood, the fourth wall! I don't think the WWF needs its web site to operate. Let me just say, though, those may be the funniest three sentences I've ever read in my life.] Most feds would have given up at this point and closed the fed. Well Scott and Ice were not like that. The two, with help from others rebuilt the site and made the website better then ever before.
Now the XWF is one year old with its Biggest PPV Out Cold behind them. At that PPV Scott debuted "The Perfect Match". Scottywood fought Alex Westly, The Magician and Shawn Micahaels in a bloody and painfull match. Scott had the match won many times but was broken up by others. The Magician ended dramaticly with Scott and Alex on fire [ooo] and HHH tuning on his best friend HBK. The Magician took advantage of this and pin HBK to win his first ever XWF World Title. [Could anyone follow that?] Scott didn't win this one but there is always another day. So for all that plan to get in his way of winning another XWF World Heavy Weight Title. Get Ready, to be Perfectly Destoryed by The Perfect One!
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