Download the original Grand Theft Auto for free from the Rockstar site. Sure, you could probably get it free somewhere else, but this is legal!
You can also get GTA2 and some game I've never heard of called Wild Metal.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Best of Balderdash: Mean Ol' McGee Edition
May 27, 1991
A police dog mauls the Jamaican ambassador to America when he is caught with 12 pounds of marijuana under his hat.
Rioux
"Feelin’ Screwy"
A retirement home turns into party central after a shipment of pills becomes misplaced.
Dan
"Feelin’ Screwy"
A Persian prince drives his father’s dunebuggy across Europe in an attempt to find the perfect princess.
Rioux
"Feelin’ Screwy"
3 toddlers break into their parents’ liquor cabinet and have a wild night on the town.
The Fork
May 27, 1991
President Bush grabs a baby, rubs its face on his crotch, and punts it 30 yards to the cheers of onlookers at a fundraising event.
Me
A police dog mauls the Jamaican ambassador to America when he is caught with 12 pounds of marijuana under his hat.
Rioux
"Feelin’ Screwy"
A retirement home turns into party central after a shipment of pills becomes misplaced.
Dan
"Feelin’ Screwy"
A Persian prince drives his father’s dunebuggy across Europe in an attempt to find the perfect princess.
Rioux
"Feelin’ Screwy"
3 toddlers break into their parents’ liquor cabinet and have a wild night on the town.
The Fork
May 27, 1991
President Bush grabs a baby, rubs its face on his crotch, and punts it 30 yards to the cheers of onlookers at a fundraising event.
Me
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
The alternatives to "Sartinsky" suggested by my spell checker
Satins
Satisfy
Strains
Shrinks
Martins
Sardines
Smartens
Spartans
Satisfy
Strains
Shrinks
Martins
Sardines
Smartens
Spartans
Suicide Note: Rejected Draft
I am in a place where nothing you can do will hurt me anymore. You won't be able to lie to me any more. You won't be able to hit me any more. I won't be around to take responsibility for you when you get drunk and make a fool of yourself. You're going to have to learn how to run your own life because I can't handle the pressure of raising our children and you while keeping myself happy. And maybe now you'll take out the fucking garbage once in a while. Lazy ass.
[Sylvia Harrison was dissuaded from killing herself by a friend and the note was discovered by her husband on top of the garbage as he took it out of the can to take to the curb. That night, he beat her to death.]
[Sylvia Harrison was dissuaded from killing herself by a friend and the note was discovered by her husband on top of the garbage as he took it out of the can to take to the curb. That night, he beat her to death.]
Monday, February 07, 2005
Fundraising clarifications
My current fundraising drive is going better than expected. Really well. Like scary how well it's going.
Like wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-in-a-cold-sweat-having-nightmares-about-going-to-an-Ashlee-Simpson-concert well.
So I thought now would be a fine time to offer some clarifications. Before you get upset and accuse me of trying to "Jew out" of this as Steve did, let me remind you of what is at stake here.
I am offering to go to an Ashlee Simpson concert.
ASHLEE SIMPSON.
I listen to indie. I read Pitchfork. My favorite band of all time is Pavement.
Ashlee Simpson had a reality show on MTV and lip-synced on SNL, all while claiming she has credibility. She is evil.
So let's just keep that in mind, OK?
1) I want good seats. I need good seats to ensure maximum exposure for my homemade Garbasail. The most expensive seat is $38.50. I'd like that one, thank you.
2) I need the cash in advance. I'm not making a Garbasail and bringing it to an Ashlee Simpson concert on IOUs.
3) There are fees to order the tickets online. I am not paying a single cent to attend this concert. I am paying with my time and self-respect. The least you could do is reimburse me for the $8.40 convenience charge and $19.50 for a decent delivery job.
4) I need supplies to make a Garbasail. A thing of garbage bags and masking tape is what, $15?
5) Rioux owes me $10 and Mike owes me $5. Until their debts are repayed, any donations they make will not be added to the fundraising total.
6) I reserve the right to raise the fundraising bar at any point in the process. As Paul Anka would say, that's just the fucking way it is.
7) If I do not attend the concert, any and all funds will be returned to those who donated. However, if I do go, I will keep any extra money donated.
8) Upon receiving enough money to attend and have the proper Ashlee Simpson experience, I will wait one week before buying tickets to allow any true Ashlee Simpson fans or more motivated ironic purchasers to buy a ticket. I will, however, leave enough time for the tickets to be delivered.
That's all I can think of now. I reserve the right to add to this list at any time. And before you criticize me, remember, this is an ASHLEE SIMPSON CONCERT we're talking about here. Have some sympathy, for Christ's sake!
This fundraiser has taught me how much some of you truly despise me and wish me pain and unhappiness. Thanks a lot.
Like wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-in-a-cold-sweat-having-nightmares-about-going-to-an-Ashlee-Simpson-concert well.
So I thought now would be a fine time to offer some clarifications. Before you get upset and accuse me of trying to "Jew out" of this as Steve did, let me remind you of what is at stake here.
I am offering to go to an Ashlee Simpson concert.
ASHLEE SIMPSON.
I listen to indie. I read Pitchfork. My favorite band of all time is Pavement.
Ashlee Simpson had a reality show on MTV and lip-synced on SNL, all while claiming she has credibility. She is evil.
So let's just keep that in mind, OK?
1) I want good seats. I need good seats to ensure maximum exposure for my homemade Garbasail. The most expensive seat is $38.50. I'd like that one, thank you.
2) I need the cash in advance. I'm not making a Garbasail and bringing it to an Ashlee Simpson concert on IOUs.
3) There are fees to order the tickets online. I am not paying a single cent to attend this concert. I am paying with my time and self-respect. The least you could do is reimburse me for the $8.40 convenience charge and $19.50 for a decent delivery job.
4) I need supplies to make a Garbasail. A thing of garbage bags and masking tape is what, $15?
5) Rioux owes me $10 and Mike owes me $5. Until their debts are repayed, any donations they make will not be added to the fundraising total.
6) I reserve the right to raise the fundraising bar at any point in the process. As Paul Anka would say, that's just the fucking way it is.
7) If I do not attend the concert, any and all funds will be returned to those who donated. However, if I do go, I will keep any extra money donated.
8) Upon receiving enough money to attend and have the proper Ashlee Simpson experience, I will wait one week before buying tickets to allow any true Ashlee Simpson fans or more motivated ironic purchasers to buy a ticket. I will, however, leave enough time for the tickets to be delivered.
That's all I can think of now. I reserve the right to add to this list at any time. And before you criticize me, remember, this is an ASHLEE SIMPSON CONCERT we're talking about here. Have some sympathy, for Christ's sake!
This fundraiser has taught me how much some of you truly despise me and wish me pain and unhappiness. Thanks a lot.
I forgot I was supposed to hate Bob Kraft
for using Connecticut like a cheap slut to make his girlfriend (Foxboro, MA) crawl back to him and give him everything he wanted. Sure I've always disliked the Eagles and hated T.O. but I feel like my opinion on the game would have changed at least a little if I'd remembered that.
Though you have to admit, we were all pretty fucking stupid for thinking our state was going to get an NFL team. Christ, that's stupid.
BETTER ANALOGY UPDATE: Actually, Kraft was more like the crooked movie producer trying to make his wife jealous and getting young, naïve Connecticut to do vile disgusting things she never would have dreamt of doing at home by filling her with dreams of stardom and fame he never even considered providing her. Though the movie producer one usually doesn't mix with the making-the-wife-jealous one.
I'll think about this.
Though you have to admit, we were all pretty fucking stupid for thinking our state was going to get an NFL team. Christ, that's stupid.
BETTER ANALOGY UPDATE: Actually, Kraft was more like the crooked movie producer trying to make his wife jealous and getting young, naïve Connecticut to do vile disgusting things she never would have dreamt of doing at home by filling her with dreams of stardom and fame he never even considered providing her. Though the movie producer one usually doesn't mix with the making-the-wife-jealous one.
I'll think about this.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Super Bowl
FINAL SCORE PREDICTION:
PATS 31
EAGLES 21
and it's not as close as the score would suggest. Eagles fans remain miserable. The Pats crush the supercrappy age of parity with a full-fledged dynasty. New England doesn't know what to do with itself.
Go Giants, boo Eagles.
UPDATE: Never get a kid to flip a coin. That could be the game.
PATS 31
EAGLES 21
and it's not as close as the score would suggest. Eagles fans remain miserable. The Pats crush the supercrappy age of parity with a full-fledged dynasty. New England doesn't know what to do with itself.
Go Giants, boo Eagles.
UPDATE: Never get a kid to flip a coin. That could be the game.
RIAA sues fuzzy little kitten
Among the defendants in another round of lawsuits filed against file-sharers by the Recording Industry Association of America is a Baltimore, Maryland fuzzy little kitten named Mr. Mittens. RIAA lawyers claimed that Mr. Mittens shared more than 600 songs on file-sharing service KaZaa.
"These suits are random. We don't know the identity of the defendant until the final stage of the process, said RIAA spokeswoman Amy Weiss. She added that the suits "are necessary for our industry to send a strong message to the pirate. The intellectual property of our clients is at stake and we need to do everything we can to protect it. If that means suing a fuzzy little kitten, then so be it."
"Meow," responded Mr. Mittens before he was distracted by a ball of yarn on the couch across the room and playfully started batting at it before he fell off the couch onto the floor and rolled over with a just precious look on his face. What a sweetie!
"I'm really surprised," said Mr. Mittens' owner Sharie Bush. "I know I've never seen Mr. Mittens operate a computer before. He doesn't even like music. He would much rather snuggle up against your legs or bat at insects on the other side of the window."
Head of Public Relations at the RIAA was unavailable for comment as he is on vacation and reportedly blew his brains out with a revolver after hearing of the suits.
psst
"These suits are random. We don't know the identity of the defendant until the final stage of the process, said RIAA spokeswoman Amy Weiss. She added that the suits "are necessary for our industry to send a strong message to the pirate. The intellectual property of our clients is at stake and we need to do everything we can to protect it. If that means suing a fuzzy little kitten, then so be it."
"Meow," responded Mr. Mittens before he was distracted by a ball of yarn on the couch across the room and playfully started batting at it before he fell off the couch onto the floor and rolled over with a just precious look on his face. What a sweetie!
"I'm really surprised," said Mr. Mittens' owner Sharie Bush. "I know I've never seen Mr. Mittens operate a computer before. He doesn't even like music. He would much rather snuggle up against your legs or bat at insects on the other side of the window."
Head of Public Relations at the RIAA was unavailable for comment as he is on vacation and reportedly blew his brains out with a revolver after hearing of the suits.
psst
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