Best of Feb. 2005

I was turned away by the Boom Boom Room
More sad than funny.
Money line: We were not allowed in the Boom Boom Room, because it was far too popular and successful to accommodate us.

It gets better and better
I will never forget when I discovered this. A truly life-changing moment.
Money line: Features professional wrestler Hulk Hogan in a Santa Claus outfit, fighting with Ed Begley, Jr for control of mysterious crystals beneath an orphanage.

Daily Free Press Facebook Column #24BC98
Not so much an attack on Facebook itself (though it is that) as it is an attack on the fucking awful hack columnists the Free Press chose for second semester last year (full disclosure: over me and specifially over I am impervious to buses among others), at least two of whom wrote about Facebook in the first month.

See Elaine "Sucks" Hom's column "Before Facebook: Hooking up in the Dark Ages LOL"

For some reason, I wasn't shocked. When I sat back and contemplated this, I realized it was because internet dating has become such an accepted practice in these times. With the newest influence of Instant Messenger and thefacebook.com, our social lives have been forever changed.

OH IS THAT SO ELAINE PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW

How does this compare to Boston University social life 10 years ago? I decided to go to the experts - my siblings. The Hom family has a nice little legacy at BU - Kevin (School of Management '95), Marisa (College of Communication '97) and Eric (COM '01). They've all walked the halls of Warren Towers, they've all partied in West and they've all experienced different eras of social living. So I asked them exactly what life was like without AIM or the facebook.

CAN YOU IMAGINE LOL

According to Kevin, who entered the doors of Warren Towers in the fall of 1991, "the facebook" was a term only used to describe the actual book of students and their pictures.

WOW YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY

BU also had a primitive form of AIM, a UNIX based program known as IRC. However, according to both Kevin and Marisa, it was incredibly difficult to use because not only was the UNIX interface incredibly user-unfriendly, you had to use the dial-up modem. And I'm not talking 56K or 128K modems. These were 9.6 kb/s. By Marisa's senior year, they had upgraded to 28.8. Whoop-de-doo.

OH MAN SO SLOW HOW WOULD I LIVE WITHOUT DOWNLOADING MOVIES HUH

What would we do if our internet capabilities were so crappy? We have an amazingly dependable network. And while I'm not sure of our exact capabilities, I know that when I use i2hub, I can download at a rate of 700-800 kb/s. I can log onto the facebook in 3 seconds. And my emails are sent immediately, whereas in the early 90s, most people didn't even know what email was.

YEAH REALLY LIKE DID THEY EVEN HAVE CARS BACK THEN LOL

And back then, away messages didn't exist. Where would we be without away messages?

PROBABLY DEAD YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS SHIT

Even in Eric's time at BU, away messages were in their primitive stage. According to him, they were quick, brief and to the point - either someone was at class, at work or they didn't have an away message up.

ITS LIKE HOW OUR MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN OLD MOVIES AND SHIT BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T AS GOOD AS US YET

So we can sit back and count our blessings, and breathe a sigh of relief that we did not have to socialize under these conditions. But exactly how lucky are we? We have everything cut out for us right on our screens. With the facebook, we know what someone looks like, what their intentions in a relationship are, where they're from and what gender they prefer. With AIM, we can check people's profiles to analyze whatever clichéd quote they've chosen to describe their relationship status.

AND THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN CLICHES RIGHT ELAINE HOM

But how has this affected our post-college social skills? Does this make us more socially inept than those who have not been poked? (No dirty thoughts, you perverts - I mean poked in terms of the facebook).

OH OK I WASN'T SURE WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THANX FOR CLARYFIYING LOL

And then there's Mike "I really fucking suck" Metz with his masterpiece I wish my face had not made the book OMG, which is basically like my post only blissfully unaware of the bottomless inanity.

Thefacebook.com is not a good website. In fact, Thefacebook.com is one of the worst and most addicting websites on the internet. For me, the facebook has replaced Instant Messenger as the new addiction in my life. I'll go ahead and say it: I'm a facebookaholic. I feel like I need to go to an AA-like addiction meeting (the FAA maybe) and just clear the air: " H i everybody. I'm Mike Metz and I'm a facebooka-holic." " H i , Mike." "I need help." "We are here for you, Mike. Tell us your story." "I go on the facebook every day. Every day I'm on that thing. For no particular reason, really. I do not want to update my profile or check out my friends' profiles. I mean, why would I check out my friends' profiles when I've already read all of them like a dozen times? It's
silly, actually. I rarely receive messages. I haven't been 'poked' by anyone in weeks. I really could not start another club; I don't really have any ideas left that I haven't already created. Yet, every day I land on that website. Please help me, I would much rather spend my time doing useful things. You know, like, fly a kite or something."
Honestly, if you "facebook" a girl before you go on a first date with her, there is almost no reason to go on that date at all. She's an anthropology major from Pennsylvania. She enjoys partying, watching "The O.C.," French cooking and, most of all, (she writes this in all caps) horseback riding on the beach. She only lists two jobs/clubs: Legal Seafoods and the Dance Team. She is a Democrat. Her favorite book is anything by Virginia Woolf and her favorite
movie is "Beauty and the Beast". She likes all genres of music, but Kelly Clarkson in particular. Her favorite quotes are all by Robert Frost, with her most cherished being: "Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in

OK seriously I can't take any more of this. If you can make it through that to the second page then you're a better person than me. And both of these insufferable hacks were STILL better than Catherine Babcock.

Money line: Did you see how I just used "friend" as a verb? Am I a fucking shithead or what?

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