The Chris Sartinsky Memoirs: Chapter Five: Early Romance
Good if only for its description of Holocaust Tag.
Money line: When tagged by the Nazi, the Jew had to sit inside the giant tire which acted as the gas chamber. If tagged by Death, then the Jew became Emaciated and had to sit wherever they were for the remainder of the round. The Jews in the gas chamber could be rescued however if someone became Steve McQueen--a special condition that the Jew could reach if they were able to climb back and forth across the monkey bars three times without being tagged.
Marmaduke Cartoons, slightly improved
I should be making this cartoon. It would be a lot more popular, I'll tell you that.
Money line: JEWWSSS
Complete August Archives:
0731-0806
0807-0813
0814-0820
0821-0827
0828-0903
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
COMPLETE STANDUP CALENDAR
SAT. SEPT. 17 (yes, that is tomorrow)
Where: Metcalf Hall in the GSU
When: 9 PM
With who: Christian Lynch, Slow Children at Play, and Improv Asylum (not the awful group I performed with earlier this year)
WED. SEPT. 21
Where: CGS building, room 511
When: 7 PM
With who: Christian Lynch and Rob O'Reilly
FRI. SEPT. 23
Where: BU Central
When: Don't know yet
With who: It's some kind of contest so whoever enters
Where: Metcalf Hall in the GSU
When: 9 PM
With who: Christian Lynch, Slow Children at Play, and Improv Asylum (not the awful group I performed with earlier this year)
WED. SEPT. 21
Where: CGS building, room 511
When: 7 PM
With who: Christian Lynch and Rob O'Reilly
FRI. SEPT. 23
Where: BU Central
When: Don't know yet
With who: It's some kind of contest so whoever enters
Best of Jul. 2005
The Juice
Nothing like OJ Simpson jokes to keep on the cutting edge of comedy.
Money line: I tell you who I wouldn't feel safe around. Jesus. Because nobody would ever suspect Jesus.
The Crash (based on a dream by Jesse)
I guess it's not really a dream by Jesse so much as it's a dream of Jesse. Or to Jesse. Or something.
Money line: “Do I know you?” Jesse asked. The man looked at him coldly.
“No. You probably just hit your head, you’re probably confused.” The man suddenly winced in pain. Jesse looked down at his leg and saw blood trickling from his leg. Jesse looked at him, worried. The man struck a defiant look, ignoring the pain. Suddenly, like a flash, Jesse remembered where he had seen the man.
“You’re Denzel Washington.”
The Chris Sartinsky Memoirs: Chapter One: Anecdotes on Birth and Early Childhood
Every word a true one.
Money line: I also had an astute grasp of distance and time which, like my skill with numbers, I only used when I absolutely had to. When my mother tried to convince me that it was too far to go to the science museum because it would take all day to get there and by the time we got there it would be closed, I told her that the science museum was only fifteen minutes away and, if we took the highway, we could get there before lunch and spend the entire day at the museum. I wielded this power with such precision that my bimonthly trips to the science museum soon became weekly trips until I dragged the woman to the museum twice daily on weekdays and three times on Saturday. My parents finally put a stop to this by buying an apartment two blocks away from the science museum, though they told me we had moved hours away. I believed them. My sense of direction remained unrefined.
The Chris Sartinsky Memoirs: Chapter Two: My Earliest Memories and Preschool
Existentialist in a way.
Money line: In winter, I acted out, seeking the refuge of the Time-Out Zone. As soon as my mother dropped me off in the morning, I would rush towards the nearest administrator and try and bite their shin or punch their thigh before another student rushed me and knocked me flat with a football tackle or clothesline.
Complete July Archives:
0626-0702
0703-0709
0710-0716
0717-0723
0724-0730
0731-0806
Nothing like OJ Simpson jokes to keep on the cutting edge of comedy.
Money line: I tell you who I wouldn't feel safe around. Jesus. Because nobody would ever suspect Jesus.
The Crash (based on a dream by Jesse)
I guess it's not really a dream by Jesse so much as it's a dream of Jesse. Or to Jesse. Or something.
Money line: “Do I know you?” Jesse asked. The man looked at him coldly.
“No. You probably just hit your head, you’re probably confused.” The man suddenly winced in pain. Jesse looked down at his leg and saw blood trickling from his leg. Jesse looked at him, worried. The man struck a defiant look, ignoring the pain. Suddenly, like a flash, Jesse remembered where he had seen the man.
“You’re Denzel Washington.”
The Chris Sartinsky Memoirs: Chapter One: Anecdotes on Birth and Early Childhood
Every word a true one.
Money line: I also had an astute grasp of distance and time which, like my skill with numbers, I only used when I absolutely had to. When my mother tried to convince me that it was too far to go to the science museum because it would take all day to get there and by the time we got there it would be closed, I told her that the science museum was only fifteen minutes away and, if we took the highway, we could get there before lunch and spend the entire day at the museum. I wielded this power with such precision that my bimonthly trips to the science museum soon became weekly trips until I dragged the woman to the museum twice daily on weekdays and three times on Saturday. My parents finally put a stop to this by buying an apartment two blocks away from the science museum, though they told me we had moved hours away. I believed them. My sense of direction remained unrefined.
The Chris Sartinsky Memoirs: Chapter Two: My Earliest Memories and Preschool
Existentialist in a way.
Money line: In winter, I acted out, seeking the refuge of the Time-Out Zone. As soon as my mother dropped me off in the morning, I would rush towards the nearest administrator and try and bite their shin or punch their thigh before another student rushed me and knocked me flat with a football tackle or clothesline.
Complete July Archives:
0626-0702
0703-0709
0710-0716
0717-0723
0724-0730
0731-0806
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Best of Jun. 2005
Shrimp Products: Corporate Sponsorship
Certainly my most profitable post to date.
Money line: Look for more of this at Hanes Presents Shrimp Products Humor Blog (brought to you by Subway--Eat Fresh)
A long overdue excerpt from the screenplay to my upcoming Jared Fogle biopic "235"
Truly the emotional turning point in the movie and basically my life's philosophy (and the note at the end is completely true).
Money line: JARED: No. There won’t be any more fights and there won’t be any more violence. The best revenge is living well. And I’m going to lose weight and I’m going to live well...And then I’m going to fuck his girlfriend.
My work ethic could use some work
The part about draping lunchmeat over rolls is sadly true.
Money line: Having recently paid little attention to the health videos we had been watching while the girls were out of the room, I assumed that I was beginning to go through puberty. I anxiously awaited my growth spurt and wondered what good noticing girls would do me with my blue lips, rapidly receding hair line, and violent uncontrollable tremors.
OH MAN I HAVE ART HORN'S EMAIL ADDRESS OH MAN
This is a classic moment in Shrimp Products history waiting to happen. I just need an idea.
Money line: Maybe Hartford Magazine wants to write about Art Horn.
Complete June Archives:
0529-0604
0605-0611
0612-0618
0619-0625
0626-0702
Certainly my most profitable post to date.
Money line: Look for more of this at Hanes Presents Shrimp Products Humor Blog (brought to you by Subway--Eat Fresh)
A long overdue excerpt from the screenplay to my upcoming Jared Fogle biopic "235"
Truly the emotional turning point in the movie and basically my life's philosophy (and the note at the end is completely true).
Money line: JARED: No. There won’t be any more fights and there won’t be any more violence. The best revenge is living well. And I’m going to lose weight and I’m going to live well...And then I’m going to fuck his girlfriend.
My work ethic could use some work
The part about draping lunchmeat over rolls is sadly true.
Money line: Having recently paid little attention to the health videos we had been watching while the girls were out of the room, I assumed that I was beginning to go through puberty. I anxiously awaited my growth spurt and wondered what good noticing girls would do me with my blue lips, rapidly receding hair line, and violent uncontrollable tremors.
OH MAN I HAVE ART HORN'S EMAIL ADDRESS OH MAN
This is a classic moment in Shrimp Products history waiting to happen. I just need an idea.
Money line: Maybe Hartford Magazine wants to write about Art Horn.
Complete June Archives:
0529-0604
0605-0611
0612-0618
0619-0625
0626-0702
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Pussy hurricane frightens pussies in North Carolina
ATLANTIC BEACH, North Carolina--As New Orleans faces a reconstruction that could take years if not decades, some pussy-ass "hurricane" is tossling a few haircuts and making a couple basements soggy in North Carolina, revealing the state to be full of pansies.
"Oh jeez, the rain's really coming down," said North Carolina Gov. Mike Easley as he watched the hurricane reach shore from his spacious mansion. "How am I going to get to my car? I forgot my umbrella."
"I always forget my umbrella when it rains," Easley said, wringing his hands in trepidation.
The category one storm is wheezing and huffing along at 8 mph, hardly a breakneck speed. "Because the storm is moving so slowly, some areas could see rain for up to 36 hours straight" whined local weatherman Brad Wilkes, pausing momentarily, presumably to clear some sand out of his vagina. "It's gonna be rough."
Six coastal areas have been subject to mandatory evacuations, not that the yellow-bellied cowards of North Carolina would have stuck around anyway. Eight more counties also held voluntary evacuations.
"We all saw what happened to those poor people of New Orleans who weren't able to get out," said Hyde resident Drew Brillson, straightening his dress and checking his lipstick in his pocket compact. "We're not going to take that chance." Brillson then drove away as fast as his car would take him, leaving his wife and children behind, the gutless pantywaist.
New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin expressed mock sympathy to the craven weenies of North Carolina. "Category one? Ooh, too bad. Tell that little shit [Easley] to call me when the death toll reaches 5000. Then he's halfway there." When told that the state was expecting twelve inches of rainfall, Nagin rolled his eyes and advised the governor to "grow a dick. Seriously."
"Oh jeez, the rain's really coming down," said North Carolina Gov. Mike Easley as he watched the hurricane reach shore from his spacious mansion. "How am I going to get to my car? I forgot my umbrella."
"I always forget my umbrella when it rains," Easley said, wringing his hands in trepidation.
The category one storm is wheezing and huffing along at 8 mph, hardly a breakneck speed. "Because the storm is moving so slowly, some areas could see rain for up to 36 hours straight" whined local weatherman Brad Wilkes, pausing momentarily, presumably to clear some sand out of his vagina. "It's gonna be rough."
Six coastal areas have been subject to mandatory evacuations, not that the yellow-bellied cowards of North Carolina would have stuck around anyway. Eight more counties also held voluntary evacuations.
"We all saw what happened to those poor people of New Orleans who weren't able to get out," said Hyde resident Drew Brillson, straightening his dress and checking his lipstick in his pocket compact. "We're not going to take that chance." Brillson then drove away as fast as his car would take him, leaving his wife and children behind, the gutless pantywaist.
New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin expressed mock sympathy to the craven weenies of North Carolina. "Category one? Ooh, too bad. Tell that little shit [Easley] to call me when the death toll reaches 5000. Then he's halfway there." When told that the state was expecting twelve inches of rainfall, Nagin rolled his eyes and advised the governor to "grow a dick. Seriously."
Best of May 2005
Marry Me Marissa
Hey look, May is even worse than March. If you'd like, take this time to read that long-ass story you never read.
Money line: “You want dirty sheets or I have some towels and washcloths.”
Sam sighed. “I’ll take the sheets, thank you.”
Complete May Archives:
0501-0507
0508-0514
0515-0521
0522-0528
0529-0604
Hey look, May is even worse than March. If you'd like, take this time to read that long-ass story you never read.
Money line: “You want dirty sheets or I have some towels and washcloths.”
Sam sighed. “I’ll take the sheets, thank you.”
Complete May Archives:
0501-0507
0508-0514
0515-0521
0522-0528
0529-0604
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Best of Apr. 2005
Fun with my new screen name, round 2
See where I fool Steve.
Money line: My new secret screen name (1:28:45 AM): is this mario?
Steve (1:28:52 AM): no its luigi
My new secret screen name (1:29:10 AM): all right, really?
My new secret screen name (1:29:13 AM): cause i know a luigi
My new secret screen name (1:29:18 AM): but i don't know if you're just joking with the whole mario thing
Scottywood
But of course that one is (probably justifiably) overshadowed by this.
Money line: Scottywood2k (6:29:08 PM): well I had the same problem when I started. I wanted "Scottywood" but that was taken. So I got creative. My MSN dosen't match, but its not a huge problem.
spiralkannberg (6:29:31 PM): well that's because i'm scottywood but it just isn't the same without the 2k so i don't use that one
spiralkannberg (6:30:50 PM): would you like scottywood?
spiralkannberg (6:30:54 PM): we could do a password swap
Scottywood2k (6:31:10 PM): you own "Scottywood"
spiralkannberg (6:31:30 PM): yeah it was my first account
spiralkannberg (6:31:35 PM): but without the 2k it just wouldn't be me
Scottywood2k (6:32:22 PM): why didn't you get Scottywood2k when you first started?
spiralkannberg (6:33:56 PM): because i was sitting next to my mother at the time and she choked on a cashew and i accidentally pushed enter before i was done
spiralkannberg (6:34:02 PM): i was almost scottywoo
Love
As I understand it anyway.
Money line: I took cocaine again and a small dose lifted me to the heights in a wonderful fashion. I am just now collecting the literature for a song of praise to this magical substance.
--Sigmund Freud
Maurice's Day
Expanded from a monologue I claimed was written by someone else that I used to try out for a play in twelfth grade.
Money line: I heard you parents died, that’s too bad.
Maurice's Day, pt. 2
And again.
Money line: I'm so glad I didn't have to go to work today.
Complete April Archives:
0327-0402
0403-0409
0410-0416
0417-0423
0424-0430
See where I fool Steve.
Money line: My new secret screen name (1:28:45 AM): is this mario?
Steve (1:28:52 AM): no its luigi
My new secret screen name (1:29:10 AM): all right, really?
My new secret screen name (1:29:13 AM): cause i know a luigi
My new secret screen name (1:29:18 AM): but i don't know if you're just joking with the whole mario thing
Scottywood
But of course that one is (probably justifiably) overshadowed by this.
Money line: Scottywood2k (6:29:08 PM): well I had the same problem when I started. I wanted "Scottywood" but that was taken. So I got creative. My MSN dosen't match, but its not a huge problem.
spiralkannberg (6:29:31 PM): well that's because i'm scottywood but it just isn't the same without the 2k so i don't use that one
spiralkannberg (6:30:50 PM): would you like scottywood?
spiralkannberg (6:30:54 PM): we could do a password swap
Scottywood2k (6:31:10 PM): you own "Scottywood"
spiralkannberg (6:31:30 PM): yeah it was my first account
spiralkannberg (6:31:35 PM): but without the 2k it just wouldn't be me
Scottywood2k (6:32:22 PM): why didn't you get Scottywood2k when you first started?
spiralkannberg (6:33:56 PM): because i was sitting next to my mother at the time and she choked on a cashew and i accidentally pushed enter before i was done
spiralkannberg (6:34:02 PM): i was almost scottywoo
Love
As I understand it anyway.
Money line: I took cocaine again and a small dose lifted me to the heights in a wonderful fashion. I am just now collecting the literature for a song of praise to this magical substance.
--Sigmund Freud
Maurice's Day
Expanded from a monologue I claimed was written by someone else that I used to try out for a play in twelfth grade.
Money line: I heard you parents died, that’s too bad.
Maurice's Day, pt. 2
And again.
Money line: I'm so glad I didn't have to go to work today.
Complete April Archives:
0327-0402
0403-0409
0410-0416
0417-0423
0424-0430
Monday, September 12, 2005
STAND UP
The next stand up show will be on Sept. 21 at CGS in room 511 at 7 PM (I'm sorry for that dreadful sentence, by the way). I'll be performing with Christian Lynch, Rob O'Reilly and mercifully, no improv groups. Hope to see you there.
Best of Mar. 2005
What happened to Jamster?
Hey look, March sucks. Here's my theory on Jamster.
Money line: I can't imagine a single person has ever called Jamster and purchased one of their services. Who would? To tell you the truth, I almost feel so bad for them I want to call them and buy something myself and give them some empty words of encouragement so they don't completely lose their spirits. This almost makes me think that Jamster is using some kind of brilliant antimarketing dependent on sympathy...but no. Their products are far too useless for them to try a risky scheme like that.
Complete March Archives:
0227-0305
0306-0312
0313-0319
0320-0326
0327-0402
Hey look, March sucks. Here's my theory on Jamster.
Money line: I can't imagine a single person has ever called Jamster and purchased one of their services. Who would? To tell you the truth, I almost feel so bad for them I want to call them and buy something myself and give them some empty words of encouragement so they don't completely lose their spirits. This almost makes me think that Jamster is using some kind of brilliant antimarketing dependent on sympathy...but no. Their products are far too useless for them to try a risky scheme like that.
Complete March Archives:
0227-0305
0306-0312
0313-0319
0320-0326
0327-0402
More from the IMDB Pride and Prejudice message board
by - jhugo01 5 hours ago (Mon Sep 12 2005 03:13:13)
WTF !? The worst thing ever. Get a job.
WTF !? The worst thing ever. Get a job.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Posted on the IMDB Pride and Prejudice message board
by - cajunkle 34 minutes ago (Sun Sep 11 2005 19:55:47)
Word has it the new movie will feature an alternate ending based on a chapter that was just found with the original manuscripts. This seems to be the footage here
http://www.angelfire.com/wa3/colinfirth/colinfirth.WMV
Type that into your browser to see it
by - Jen175 24 minutes ago (Sun Sep 11 2005 20:06:12)
I had a feeling that was going to be something stupid, but I opened it out of curiousity. Didn't think it would be THAT stupid- it wasn't even funny. Someone has way too much time on their hands.
by - cajunkle 2 minutes ago (Sun Sep 11 2005 20:28:36)
OH *beep* I JUST GOT PWNED
Word has it the new movie will feature an alternate ending based on a chapter that was just found with the original manuscripts. This seems to be the footage here
http://www.angelfire.com/wa3/colinfirth/colinfirth.WMV
Type that into your browser to see it
by - Jen175 24 minutes ago (Sun Sep 11 2005 20:06:12)
I had a feeling that was going to be something stupid, but I opened it out of curiousity. Didn't think it would be THAT stupid- it wasn't even funny. Someone has way too much time on their hands.
by - cajunkle 2 minutes ago (Sun Sep 11 2005 20:28:36)
OH *beep* I JUST GOT PWNED
Criticism of the new non-Firth Darcy in the upcoming remake of "Pride and Prejudice" from IMBD user cookiestitch28
"As for Darcy, this MacFayden character is nice to look at, but looks like he's trying too hard."
Best of Feb. 2005
I was turned away by the Boom Boom Room
More sad than funny.
Money line: We were not allowed in the Boom Boom Room, because it was far too popular and successful to accommodate us.
It gets better and better
I will never forget when I discovered this. A truly life-changing moment.
Money line: Features professional wrestler Hulk Hogan in a Santa Claus outfit, fighting with Ed Begley, Jr for control of mysterious crystals beneath an orphanage.
Daily Free Press Facebook Column #24BC98
Not so much an attack on Facebook itself (though it is that) as it is an attack on the fucking awful hack columnists the Free Press chose for second semester last year (full disclosure: over me and specifially over I am impervious to buses among others), at least two of whom wrote about Facebook in the first month.
See Elaine "Sucks" Hom's column "Before Facebook: Hooking up in the Dark Ages LOL"
And then there's Mike "I really fucking suck" Metz with his masterpiece I wish my face had not made the book OMG, which is basically like my post only blissfully unaware of the bottomless inanity.
Money line: Did you see how I just used "friend" as a verb? Am I a fucking shithead or what?
0130-0205
0206-0212
0213-0219
0220-0226
0227-0305
More sad than funny.
Money line: We were not allowed in the Boom Boom Room, because it was far too popular and successful to accommodate us.
It gets better and better
I will never forget when I discovered this. A truly life-changing moment.
Money line: Features professional wrestler Hulk Hogan in a Santa Claus outfit, fighting with Ed Begley, Jr for control of mysterious crystals beneath an orphanage.
Daily Free Press Facebook Column #24BC98
Not so much an attack on Facebook itself (though it is that) as it is an attack on the fucking awful hack columnists the Free Press chose for second semester last year (full disclosure: over me and specifially over I am impervious to buses among others), at least two of whom wrote about Facebook in the first month.
See Elaine "Sucks" Hom's column "Before Facebook: Hooking up in the Dark Ages LOL"
For some reason, I wasn't shocked. When I sat back and contemplated this, I realized it was because internet dating has become such an accepted practice in these times. With the newest influence of Instant Messenger and thefacebook.com, our social lives have been forever changed.OH IS THAT SO ELAINE PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW
How does this compare to Boston University social life 10 years ago? I decided to go to the experts - my siblings. The Hom family has a nice little legacy at BU - Kevin (School of Management '95), Marisa (College of Communication '97) and Eric (COM '01). They've all walked the halls of Warren Towers, they've all partied in West and they've all experienced different eras of social living. So I asked them exactly what life was like without AIM or the facebook.CAN YOU IMAGINE LOL
According to Kevin, who entered the doors of Warren Towers in the fall of 1991, "the facebook" was a term only used to describe the actual book of students and their pictures.WOW YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY
BU also had a primitive form of AIM, a UNIX based program known as IRC. However, according to both Kevin and Marisa, it was incredibly difficult to use because not only was the UNIX interface incredibly user-unfriendly, you had to use the dial-up modem. And I'm not talking 56K or 128K modems. These were 9.6 kb/s. By Marisa's senior year, they had upgraded to 28.8. Whoop-de-doo.OH MAN SO SLOW HOW WOULD I LIVE WITHOUT DOWNLOADING MOVIES HUH
What would we do if our internet capabilities were so crappy? We have an amazingly dependable network. And while I'm not sure of our exact capabilities, I know that when I use i2hub, I can download at a rate of 700-800 kb/s. I can log onto the facebook in 3 seconds. And my emails are sent immediately, whereas in the early 90s, most people didn't even know what email was.YEAH REALLY LIKE DID THEY EVEN HAVE CARS BACK THEN LOL
And back then, away messages didn't exist. Where would we be without away messages?PROBABLY DEAD YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS SHIT
Even in Eric's time at BU, away messages were in their primitive stage. According to him, they were quick, brief and to the point - either someone was at class, at work or they didn't have an away message up.ITS LIKE HOW OUR MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN OLD MOVIES AND SHIT BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T AS GOOD AS US YET
So we can sit back and count our blessings, and breathe a sigh of relief that we did not have to socialize under these conditions. But exactly how lucky are we? We have everything cut out for us right on our screens. With the facebook, we know what someone looks like, what their intentions in a relationship are, where they're from and what gender they prefer. With AIM, we can check people's profiles to analyze whatever clichéd quote they've chosen to describe their relationship status.AND THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN CLICHES RIGHT ELAINE HOM
But how has this affected our post-college social skills? Does this make us more socially inept than those who have not been poked? (No dirty thoughts, you perverts - I mean poked in terms of the facebook).OH OK I WASN'T SURE WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THANX FOR CLARYFIYING LOL
And then there's Mike "I really fucking suck" Metz with his masterpiece I wish my face had not made the book OMG, which is basically like my post only blissfully unaware of the bottomless inanity.
Thefacebook.com is not a good website. In fact, Thefacebook.com is one of the worst and most addicting websites on the internet. For me, the facebook has replaced Instant Messenger as the new addiction in my life. I'll go ahead and say it: I'm a facebookaholic. I feel like I need to go to an AA-like addiction meeting (the FAA maybe) and just clear the air: " H i everybody. I'm Mike Metz and I'm a facebooka-holic." " H i , Mike." "I need help." "We are here for you, Mike. Tell us your story." "I go on the facebook every day. Every day I'm on that thing. For no particular reason, really. I do not want to update my profile or check out my friends' profiles. I mean, why would I check out my friends' profiles when I've already read all of them like a dozen times? It'sOK seriously I can't take any more of this. If you can make it through that to the second page then you're a better person than me. And both of these insufferable hacks were STILL better than Catherine Babcock.
silly, actually. I rarely receive messages. I haven't been 'poked' by anyone in weeks. I really could not start another club; I don't really have any ideas left that I haven't already created. Yet, every day I land on that website. Please help me, I would much rather spend my time doing useful things. You know, like, fly a kite or something."
Honestly, if you "facebook" a girl before you go on a first date with her, there is almost no reason to go on that date at all. She's an anthropology major from Pennsylvania. She enjoys partying, watching "The O.C.," French cooking and, most of all, (she writes this in all caps) horseback riding on the beach. She only lists two jobs/clubs: Legal Seafoods and the Dance Team. She is a Democrat. Her favorite book is anything by Virginia Woolf and her favorite
movie is "Beauty and the Beast". She likes all genres of music, but Kelly Clarkson in particular. Her favorite quotes are all by Robert Frost, with her most cherished being: "Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in
Money line: Did you see how I just used "friend" as a verb? Am I a fucking shithead or what?
0130-0205
0206-0212
0213-0219
0220-0226
0227-0305
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